Wow What a Story

There is a story behind my recent jury duty. But alas, I am emotionally exhausted. I will post the story in the next few days. God hunts me down, even in a courtroom. I hope you see the beauty of it as I did.

Soon very soon.

Jury Duty part 3

I am nearing the end of a three-week jury duty and it is by far the toughest. I obviously am not going to go into the details but I would like to ask you if you pray to God I’d appreciate prayers for myself and my fellow jurors. I don’t want warm fuzzy thoughts, and please don’t send me “love and light” (I welcome love but the light I seek only comes from God). You have a right to your beliefs, thanks to God all of us have free will and a mind of our own.  However, right now I am seeking prayers to the One who gives wisdom and discernment. James 1:5 says “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” I have done that I only need someone to agree with me in prayer. “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.” Matthew 18:19.

This post is not meant to be offensive to anyone. For me to ask someone to pray to another “god” is pointless to me since I place no faith in it.

God can move mountains; of that, I have no doubt.

Thank You.


Always Learning

I ran up the marble steps of the courthouse. I only had 3 minutes to go through the metal detector and climb three flights of stairs. Oh, how I hate to be late.  I could take the elevator, yes, but I have proven faster than the elevator the last two days.

I hurriedly ran into the courtroom and again climbed the steps to my seat in the jury box. Seat one, I had been the first one confirmed to have been selected to serve on this jury. Now we had heard two days of testimony and were starting our third.

I sat down and tried to catch my breath as my heart thumped within my chest. I had made it on time, right on time by the skin of my teeth.

When I was asked to serve as a juror, I took it seriously, and I prayed about it. I prayed for discernment and for me to be placed on the particular cases God wanted me to be on. Each day I prayed before I got out of my car to go into the courtroom. Today I sat in the jury box praying silently, but I didn’t take one bit of the responsibility lightly.

I must be honest, I didn’t like having the responsibility. I don’t like to judge people, albeit it is based on evidence. I don’t like to be the one who takes another’s freedom away, despite apparent guilt. Still, it must be done and far be it from me to be the one to prevent justice.

We heard from the final witness, then closing arguments and began deliberation. God had answered my prayer for discernment, but not everyone in that room was given discernment or maybe they were just struggling with the responsibility as I had been. I had gotten past the stated struggle as I walked past the parents of the victim on my way out of the courtroom. I looked at the sadness in their eyes at the loss of their son and right then, at that moment, I promised myself I would do right by them to the best of my ability.

His life had value. They watched him take his first steps, heard his first words, and by all rights, should have never had to bury him. Yet there they stood with heartbreak all over their faces, and I looked them in the eye as if to say ‘I see your pain.’

Granted, had the guilt of the accused not been apparent I would’ve never felt moved to take the oath within my own heart, but because it was I was moved to step into their shoes for a moment.

It was a long three days, and I realize it could’ve been far worse, but I can honestly say I will never be the same and I will take my lessons from it : Certainly, I will be more careful of the company I keep, I will be more aware of things going on around me and the people I care about, and lastly I cannot, will not ever take the legal justice system or our freedoms for granted. As much value as I placed on it before Monday, I now value human life more than ever.

God stands alone holding the keys to life and death. There is no man who shares in this responsibility no nor should they, for their value or disregard for it revolves around their unique respect, or lack thereof, for it.

Jury Duty

I have been summoned for Jury Duty. I have always wanted to serve on a Jury. This IS my cup of tea.

While I am excited for the next three weeks, I am not excited about the pay. It is ridiculous that they pay you only $20 a day but alas I get the opportunity to serve and for that there is no comparable price tag. It’s a shame that I can’t talk/write about it because that could potentially be great material.

Wish me luck and pray I don’t end up on an OJ trial or worse still, like Annie Laird, or wind up in a room with 11 angry jurors.😛

My Open Letter of Wisdom For My Children

If ever there is a time in your life that you need to hear my words but I am not present to talk to you, take this message out and read it…


The moment you were born I knew you were special and that you would do great things even if they seem very small to you. Each one of you were God’s great creation and that is a miracle.


The world may not always be kind to you. It is a harsh place. No matter, be kind in return.

Laughter is a really good thing. It has healing power, so laugh often.

Let your smile shine on everyone each day. When people are greeted with a smile it is difficult not to smile back.

At some point you will come to realize that you are not defined by the clothes that you wear, the car that you drive, the house in which you live, or the money you have in your bank account. Although it is difficult not to want pretty things so I will not tell you not to want them or have them. Just make sure you do not ever put them above God, love, and relationships with people. That’s the good stuff!

Eat something green everyday.

Turn off the TV and listen to the birds chirping.

Music is a beautiful thing, but music doesn’t “thump”.

Take time to get to know people. You will not regret it. Especially the elderly and those who are considered outcasts. I hope that you will delight in their spirit. You will learn as I have that God strategically places people in our paths to teach us and guide our lives.

You will set your own standards of how people treat you and how you treat others. I hope you always expect to be treated with respect and always treat others with respect, never compromise yourself.

Prayer is the most powerful avenue of communication. Always listen for God’s answer. It is not some great revelation in which the clouds roll back and in the voice of James Earl Jones, God tells you what to do. It will be in your heart.

Boys- Always take the time to open a door for a lady, even if you are in a hurry and she is not attractive by your standards.


Sis- Always expect a man to hold the door open for you, you should always expect to be treated like a lady, even by strangers.

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Always give relationships 100%. If you love someone don’t hold back out of fear because it might not work out or you might get hurt. If you do you may have missed out on an opportunity to love and be loved. Love hurts sometimes and it doesn’t always work out, that’s just the chance you gotta take. But I speak from experience when I say it’s so worth the risk.

Never forget to apologize when you wrong someone in some way. We are at our greatest when we practice humility.

Boys~Tell girls they are beautiful, never that they are hot.

Sis~ If a guy tells you you’re hot…RUN!

Read your bible everyday. God not only wants to hear from you through your prayers he wants you to hear from him through his word.

Lay off the soda and have a glass of water.

Read everything you can get your hands on.

I really hope you have a successful life and career but the most important hopes I have for you are these…

I hope when someone is being bullied you stand up for what is right.

If you try alcohol I hope it makes you sick.

I hope you protect your character at all times.

I hope you keep your word because your word is your honor.

I hope when your children have ball games or your little boy has to be a chrysanthemum in the spring play you go and watch proudly because those moments will be gone before you know it.

I hope you take time to take a walk with the people you love most, even when you’re tired.

I hope laughter echoes in your homes not loud hateful yelling.

I hope you try to be positive and look on the bright side of everything.

With your children, I hope you look for the good things and gently correct the bad.

I hope you find out just how special you are…not because I or someone else told you but because you truly love yourself.

Love, Mom


Reflection of the Rant

I spoke blessings today. I tried to be kind. The negative didn’t overtake me. I chose to love once again today.

I don’t know why I allow it to consume me to the point of allowing my mood an alteration.  It is not something I want scrawled on my epitaph; “She was easily juiced emotionally.”

As much as I walk around with this tough exterior as if to say “You can’t hurt me,” “I don’t care what you think of me,” “I can take whatever you throw at me and still I’ll be A-ok.”, the truth of the matter is my heart; it’s huge, it’s been hurt a lot, and it’s still so fragile.

I don’t like to be hurt. Who does right? I don’t like to be seen as a piece of split-tail. I want to be honored, esteemed, valued and yes, I want to be loved.

I want to be seen not only for my strengths but also my flaws because they are part of me. I only wish the observer to care enough about me to understand the flaws because they know me well enough to have a clear view into my heart and discern the scenes that brought me to the brink of the walls I have built around it. Unfortunately, not everyone is willing to make that kind of investment in us.  They would rather rash judge and assume the worst.

Still, I want to be a person who builds people up. Sure I joke and the people who love me know when I am teasing. But because I have been torn, betrayed, and cursed, I want to be a blessing to those that I love just by being in their lives as well as to bless them with my words. I don’t ever want to tear someone down or else what is the purpose of our relationships? Wouldn’t we be better off alone?

I see it so often in families, your worst critics are most usually your family. Family by definition is a person or people related to one and so to be treated with a special loyalty or intimacy.

Where is our safe place if it isn’t with our family? The world; it’s so mean. Where is our shelter from it if not in our family?

I pray, at the end of my life, my family has far less to do with blood coursing through our veins and more to do with laughter, love, and loyalty that prompts in our hearts a rhythm of contentment and whispers a beautiful memory into the wind of our goodbyes.

It matters to me. It matters to others. It matters.

French Fries For Dinner

Do you ever just get tired?

Tired of fakes and flakes, perverted plumbers, smirking male customer when you ask what they are gonna have today, not to forget the men who stare at my ass for far, far too long. I’m tired of suck up co-workers who have no idea of the meaning of discretion, tired of the two-faced, and I AM TIRED of being the only one who can craft a sandwich in my house, for the love of God! I’m there folks. I’m at a breaking point. Ok, ok I might be a little hormonal too but mostly I’m just tired of people and that’s not good because I am a waitress. My paycheck depends on my dealing with people. And sometimes… a lot of times…people suck!

They talk about you behind your back, they run and try to get you in trouble with the boss, they smile in your face while wielding a knife towards your neck. Pardon my French but, Fuck that! And fuck all those who do that to people who love them and think they are loved in return.

You know, there are very few genuine people in this world anymore and that is frigging sad. (I realize frigging is not a well liked word but I am reeeeeaaaaaally trying to keep my f-word usage down to a minimum. Not even gonna front, I use it a lot)

And I have to hand it to God, he has really revealed to me a few people’s true colors lately. While that is a very disheartening revelation it is also a blessing. Now I don’t have to waste any time on those people anymore. I don’t hate them. I just don’t choose to spend my time with them. Because in doing so, I give them a new topic of gossip for their lunch break, or late night texts. I’m better than that and I deserve better than that. We all do.

But what can we do about it? I mean really, what will stop gossip, perverts, incompetence, and fake ass folks who smile in your face but whisper as you walk away? Sometimes I just get fired up over it all and I just say “Screw it! I don’t have to take this!” And you know, I don’t. I also don’t have to spill my guts on a public blog, but maybe they will see this and realize just how bad words hurt. They hurt bad enough to ruin a relationship that has been going strong for 37 years. Destroyed, in one hateful text that I wasn’t meant to receive. It isn’t about revenge or some sort of punishment. It is about broken trust, a realization that their supposed love was never love it was always shrouded in accusations and their suspicion of others when it was their heart that was tainted all along.

No matter, tomorrow I will wake up and I will be honest, I will not have two faces, and I will once again put my faith in the fact that there is light in each of us, as well as darkness. However, we all have our own unique measures. And I will love.

We cannot expect others to have the same heart as we have or the same set of values and integrity. We can only do our part to make the world a better place by our own contribution. We must show our children how to behave by example not by empty words and contradictions.

But at the end of the day, people like that are similar to having nothing but french fries for dinner. Ya know it seems like a really good idea at the time but they are not the best choice for you. And while bad friends don’t stick to your thighs, they will change you into someone don’t want to be.

Sometimes you have to stand alone but stand anyway and tell the truth, even if it makes your voice tremble.




Summer, Fall and um…Growth

God I suck at this. It’s not that I have no talent or ideas…just no stick-to-it-ive-ness. No, I do not do well with commitment. Hell, I don’t even like to read a book series. As much as I love to read, I don’t want to commit to 6 or, God forbid, 12 to get to the finale. Trust me, I have plenty bouncing around in my head to write about I just…oh I’d rather scroll on facebook or look up recipes to try or ya know…eat. Yeah, cause I have gained some weight over the summer. Aren’t people’s appetites supposed to decrease over the summer? I’m thinking they are. But guess what??? Right again, not me. My booty has grown exponentially over the summer and it’s a good thing thick is in because I have no desire to stop it from taking over and creating a space of it’s own. And trust me when your booty gets oh so big people clear a path for it.

Not from lunges however. More like baked potatoes.

Anyway, my butt really has nothing to do with this blog. And let me just say before the supermarket tabloids get a hold of my commitorum metus and run with it like a star QB on an October lit field, I have no challenge in committing to my family or spouse, at least, not anymore.

However in my absence on WP I still was somewhat busy this summer. I raised a garden, canned and preserved a passel of fruits and veggies (my tomatoes produced bumper crops, though my zucchini petered out after producing only 3 squash) and I learned a thing or two about landscaping.

I did not read one book, nor did I take one single vacay, but I did help replace the floor in my utility room and I, yes I, constructed a flagstone patio complete with its own flowerbed and fountain. I’m quite proud of that.

This was before clean up, excuse the mess.





I hope you all had a great summer and are as ready for fall as am I.
Fall is a second chance before winter bolts it’s door. It is football, festivals, caramel corn, chili, stew and soups, baking, and caramel apples. Fall always gives me the feeling of young love, high school, a life on the verge of everything. The anticipation of something wonderful…

Love and Fall always give me butterflies.

And we are never too old for butterflies.


You’ll Be There

In this life I wandered.

Realizing where was my home.

Naught for love or friendship,

The task was portioned alone.

I searched ne’er to find another penny in the mire

And so I will save my affections to someday be retired.

I shall wait at the gate

to see your face,

and show you around,

holding your hand and pointing,

speaking without a sound.

There we’ll be neighbors

having mansions of our own.

I will see you toss pebbles at my windowsill,

and giggle ever so softly

hearkening to your song.

If God allows me, awaken you

to behold your sleepy eyes,

lie beside you quietly and watch the sun to rise.

So I charge you, meet me,

And darling, don’t tarry long

Eternity is on the horizon,

God planned for us all along.



A New Perspective For Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day has always been a tough holiday for me due to the loss of my mother at such an early age. For me, it was a cruel yearly reminder that she wasn’t here anymore.  God blessed me as a mother of 2 handsome boys; still I found it difficult to get out of bed. Many times I didn’t get out of bed. God had blessed me so richly, yet I chose to dwell on the absence of one, rather than the presence of so many.

God, knowing my heart and the pain I always felt on Mother’s Day, with his love took it and made it new again. He blessed me once again, and he revealed to me many of my blessings I had taken for granted, all in one day, and it was on Mother’s Day weekend.

She was a tiny baby, weighing only 6lbs 1 oz. As I lay there in my hospital bed with all my family gathered adoring my beautiful daughter, I realized just how much God loved me. I have an amazing family; brothers, sisters, father, children, husband, stepmom, mother in law, sisters in law, “adopted” grandma, nieces, nephews. At the center of it all, there she was, all swaddled up tight, and as pretty as she could be.  What more could I ask? My hospital room, my heart, and my cup runneth over!

Darrah Jo named after my mother and born six years ago today!

You can bet my mom was also in the room that day, if not in spirit, she was in my heart!

Happy Birthday, Miss Darrah! You are a treasure, and I love you!